Life's not fair, and sometimes, I really hate it.

And I'm not saying that because I want school to be over.

So much shit has been happening in my personal life lately, sometimes, I just don't know why I even bother.

Why is it that my senior year always happens to be the year EVERYTHING bad seems to happen.

Senir year of high school: my uncle prostate/liver cancer and dies, my other uncle passes out on his bathroom floor and has surgery, then my dad gets prostate cancer (four [five?] years and counting). And to top that all off, my group of friends has a major blowup and somehow I'm thrown in the middle of it.

Senior year of college: I find out that Casey has Hodgekin's (glad you're doing well, Case!), my aunt gets a super intensive form of breast cancer, has chemo, surgery, they realize they haven't gotten everything out, and need to go back. I have a small growth/lump which I am really worried about -- is it cancer, is it just some fat cells going crazy? And now one of my brother's oldest friends whom I've kown since he was like 7, has pneumonia, his lungs are failing, he's dying, and I can't do anything to help my brother out because I have my own docotr's appointment at 4:20pm to see what the hell's going on with me. OH! And my maternal grandfather's prolly dying which is why we're going to HK in August/September so we can see him one last time.

Everything just HAS to come to a head when I'm getting ready to be done with school and start a new chapter in my life, huh?

Yes, I understand that everyone is getting older and we're all getting to the point where family members and close family friends are going to be dying, but dude. I'm almost 22. I've had to grow up and endure more a lot faster than some people out there, and it just isn't fair.

And it's only March. Whoever told me that this was going to be a good year was delusional.

And maybe I'll look at thise tomorrow and say, "damn, I'm crazy." Or not. Shit happens, and life happens. We just have to try and take it stride by stride. That's one of the lessons I've learned over the years. And I'm going to try to do that now, but it'sg onna be a hard road. And I'm not saying that life should be easy, but at the same time, it shouldn't have to be this hard.

Life is unpredictable and tough. But it's those lessons along the way that make us who we are. Right now, I'm just super frustrated and need to find strength and the lesson I know is hidden in what's happening.

And I'm done venting. Hopefully you guys don't think anything's seriously wrong with me. I don't think there's anything to worry about. I've been through this before, and I can do it again.

I might regret posting this later...but right now, I don't really care.

So if I'm in a bit of a funk from now on, you know why.

"Something's missing...and I don't know how to fix it." - John Mayer